“Restoring order of my personal universe suddenly seemed imperative, as I refolded my T-shirts, stuffed the toes of my shoes with tissue paper, and arranged all the bills in my secret stash box facing the same way, instead of tossed in sloppy and wild, as if by my evil twin. All week, I kept making lists and crossing things off them, ending each day with a sense of great accomplishment eclipsed only by complete and total exhaustion.”
Making lists, crossing off lines
The coffee shop offered its usual soundtrack–cups thunking against tables, espresso machines hissing resentment at over-priced caffeine, and people talking at a volume appropriate to the subject…whispers for the good stuff, too LOUD for the mundane.
My friend, Dee, and I sat grinning at each other. We had carved out time to simply be. It was a savored and coveted respite during a day of zoom, zoom, run, run.
We conversed about our photography, our pets, and our forthcoming projects. We commiserated that our lives were fun, full, and…yes, falling off the tracks.
“I have to make a list everyday or I’m lost,” said Dee.
Nodding in agreement, I took a sip of my iced tea. I felt the accumulating ice jam building in the cup and hoped it wouldn’t end up exploding on my chest. Funny what grabs your attention when spending time “in the moment.” Conversation versus embarrassment, the story at 10.
“Me too,” I said. “I make a list before I go to bed, then re-read and add to it the following morning. List after list after list. Is this normal? Are we over-scheduled?”
I jiggled the plastic glass and the ice dam settled back into the brown slushy depths of the tea. Whew.
Dee shook her head. Her expression was all I needed to see.
Yes.
We are overbooked.
Part of the issue is that both of us want to be of service to others. Dee is an extraordinary teacher, photographer, leader, and friend. When people contact her she does her best to say yes.
I, on the other hand, have a difficult time saying no.
Which is harder? Saying yes to everything, or no to even one thing?
Are they one and the same?
Dee said, “I intentionally left this weekend open and I’m a little excited.”
I thought about that for a moment and felt a whiff of jealousy. An open weekend? No schedules, obligations, or lists? Whaaaaaat? Those are as rare and as beautiful as unicorns in a world of realists.
“Good for you,” I said, and meant it. Dee gives until she bleeds.
We talked, and empathized, and laughed. I gave my glass of iced tea one more playful shake and drank down the last of the brew. I needed this. Time with Dee. Time to just not feel scheduled.
Somehow I felt nearly healed of my list-itis. It would be temporary, but I didn’t care. Friends like Dee make everything better and, for a brief time, the world was right. Just. As. Is.
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