Living Large: Why Women’s Clothing Sizes Mess With Our Heads

“Give me an example of how women struggle with self-esteem.” Our professor stood in front of the class, scanning the room, waiting for answers. At first the silence hung as thick as fog over a swamp, but then a young woman tentatively raised her hand.

“Go,” said the professor.

“Well, um, my sister is really pretty, but she feels she’s too fat. I don’t think so, but try telling her that.”

The professor nodded and gave an encouraging, “keep going,” smile.

“So the other day we were out shopping for clothes and she saw this really cute jacket. She tried on a medium—a size she often wears—but couldn’t even get the buttons closed with this particular brand. So then she tried on a large, and then an extra large… which was still a little tight. She actually started crying because that tiny tag, that XL, somehow confirmed her self-loathing. I felt so bad for her, and angry at the manufacturer.”

I think every female in the room was nodding with understanding. We’ve all been there, right? How many of us squeeze into an article of clothing because we believe we’re a certain size, or worse, that we’re supposed to be a certain size. Everybody knows cultural perfection equals a size 4, or 2, or 0. (Is it only a matter of time before we get into negative numbers?)

The insidious thing is that it’s not a valid measure of our size, and it’s certainly now a valid measure of our worth. One brand’s size 12 fits the same as another’s size 10. One brand’s “S” is the next brand’s “L.” It’s crazy, we all know it’s crazy, and yet we let that freak’n little tag drop-kick our self-esteem across the room.

The other day I was talking to my son about jeans. He was saying he has a hard time finding a pair that fits. They are either too long, too tight in the thighs, or the waist isn’t right. “Shouldn’t a waist size be the same from brand to brand? I mean it is a measurement,” he said with so much innocence that I burst into maniacal laughter.

“Welcome to my world,” I said, “and be prepared to be confused. Often.”

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we based our size on healthiness instead of randomly assigned numbers and letters? I know, I know, I’m being irrational.

So tell me, how do you handle “size confusion” when shopping? Do you feel bad if you have to go “up” a size, or happy if you go “down?” Do you ever cut tags out of your clothing because you wouldn’t want anybody to see you’re a size                      if you passed out and the nice paramedic had to cut your clothing off? Let’s talk about it!