I Will NOT Give You Five Reasons to Read This

Or seven, or ten, or fifteen. I do not mean to come off as cranky, nor do I want to cast a judgmental light on those who attempt to offer tempting quick-read tidbits. I get it. Our society rewards “busy,” so we like to sneak in news and gossip updates while waiting for coffee, a red light, or the dentist.

It’s just that I get weary of reading headline after headline stating “Five Easy Ways to Write a Headline!” Or, “Ten Reasons You Should Always Turn The Volume to Eleven.” Or, “Fifteen Secrets Your Husband Isn’t Telling You About His Nail Fungus and Internet Porn.”

It’s all good at first because I’m hungry for a little something. Maybe it’s a salty news worthy nibble, or maybe it’s just to get a smidge buzzed on a rumor martini.

At some point, however, like one too many generic nachos, the enticement of numerical blurb-appetizers loses appeal. I want a full-on word meal complete with an “I actually learned something in a beautifully written article” dessert. If it takes me longer to digest, so be it. Wanting…more…the best part of my day.